Dear English

Dear English,

I've been thinking about writing you for a while about this but I haven't had the guts too. I wanted to tell you that I am unhappy in our current relationship. I know this must be a shock, we have had some good times you and I but I'm getting tired of your bipolar grammatical intricacies.
For example you are so rigid in your 9 rules for pronouns and then lax on the nominative case or when you put "i. before e. except after c rule", I mean come on?
And yes I understand that you need the antecedent to agree with the noun but couldn't that be accomplished better with a feminine or masculine object predicate?
And please don't get me started on your draconian rules for transitive and intransitive verbs like "Lay and Lie" which are commonly misused by even your stanchest lovers.
Basically you are a language designed for business were economy of thought and meaning is paramount and you are at your best when leaving little to the imagination is called upon. You are just too formal for poetry lacking in texture and flavor unless the form calls upon strict rules like iambic pentameter or haiku.
You are leaving me with little choice but to second guess using you for anything poetic or free form.

Leaving you on notice,
Rd'AV